I used to think I had it all together. I thought it was me and the LORD walking the same path... we'd joke and we'd travel together. AND when I get real lonely HE'd come and snuggle with me and I could go to sleep...
But lately,,, the past year and a half... my house of cards came tumbling down... my life as I knew it would not be the same. I was on auto pilot.. just moving from day to day. Looking back, I don't remember much. It's just foggy. I didn't sleep much, worried non stop. I ached with a dull pain that could not be satisfied. I couldn't focus, don't know how I made it through.
OH yes I do... the LORD helped me put one foot in front of the other and my play-pal to keep glue'n things together that were in shambles around me.
The old saying is that once you become a mother you have your heart on the outside of your body. I now understand it. Can't do anything about it.
I prayed,,, and I begged,,, and I promised,,, I got angry,,, and I yelled,,, so now I wait,,, HE is working on HIS time,,, and I wait. Is what I prayed for, begged for, made promises for, got angry for, and yelled for - just too difficult? Am I supposed to be learning something. Am I? Am I just too thick headed to see what I'm supposed to learn.
I'm not in control anymore, was I ever? Its like - I thought I was driving - but it seems that HE is driving and I'm in the back seat, looking out the back window using a paper plate as the steering wheel...
I'm on a roller coaster ride, hanging on till my knuckles are white and numb, with a pillow case over my head.... its moving so fast, sometimes I can't breathe.
and who disguised as Clark Kent fights a never ending battle for truth and justice...
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