My heart aches... its an ache Ive never known.,,, its not a hurt that you can rub or one that makes you bleed or one that you say OW !... it's a dull, gnawing, shadow of nothing-ness, of empty-ness...

Its not lonely-ness... it's empty-ness... you eat because it might make you feel better... but it doesn't... you want to get involved in something... but it takes too much effort - and then when it's over - your back to the empty-ness.

I'm looking trying to find the light- the LORD used to be my light... but I can't find HIM...

I know what it is... is the first time Ive felt J-O-Y-L-E-S-S.... there is no joy... anywhere in my life.... I can't find my joy. I feel drained - like my very life is ebbing out of me... I don't want to be with anyone, in fact I find reasons why not to be with them.

I have nothing to LIVE for... nothing to look forward to .... nothing brings me JOY....

At first I thought it was the state of the economy... but I have a job.

I thought it was this lady at work sucking the life out of me....

I've never been depressed - maybe this is it...

You know how they say,,, Give your problems to Jesus, just lay them on HIS lap ... and when you only see one pair of foot prints - it was then that HE carried you...

I want to climb up on HIS lap and have HIM hold me,,, and let me find peace~